Knacker's World

When it Rains it Pours even if its the bad stuff!

2008-08-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

Things I've learned in the last 24 hours...To enter Indira Gandhi International Airport one must have proof that they are flying out that day...sorry E-ticket holders...United Airlines doesn't fly out of Delhi and all the partner airlines have very limited seats for frequent flyer award ticket holders such as myself...It costs only 60 rupees (a buck fifty)to get to the airport from the hospital and Erin paid 350 rupees(8 bucks)...buying a last minute ticket on the Internet is an all day affair...I have an amazingly supportive family...My friends are just as amazing!... you cannot put a price on love!

I feel really sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to everyone at the hospital! Take care and see you next time!!

Queen of Hearts trumps Ace of Diamonds

2008-08-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been stressful for me and quite nerve-racking to say the least...to know that the love of my life back home is not well. Hopeless, fearful, lonely, are a few descriptions of how I feel and I know how my dog feels. If anyone knows me at all, they know me as Payshiako, Payshia (dog) and Kanako, together we are Payshiako. I am fortunate that my puppy has grown up to be a fine dog who loves to love and be loved. She was diagnosed with Addison's Disease 2 years ago...this is the first time we have been apart since her diagnosis. I was extremely nervous to leave, but I knew that I needed to be here with Ryan. I needed to be part of this amazing endeavor with my Ry Ry, there was no questions about it. But now I'm in a very difficult situation, my dog needs me home. She is not coping with my absence at all, therefore, I need to be a grown up, I need to be that pillar for my dog because I want to and it is the right thing to do...no questions asked. My heart aches as I sit here knowing that my baby is stressing out, feeling abandoned, not knowing that her Mom is coming home. Dramatic...maybe, but if you saw the bond we have, you would also understand. As I know Ry does, I know that Ryan is going to be okay with or without me, I know she is in great hands, I know that she would do the same if she were me, and I know that she is my true friend, a great friend! So I'm off to the airport with Erin, to see what fate can do for me. I am a true believer that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, even if it hurts me.

Ryan had an epidural at Gautam Nagar this afternoon and Erin, Sarah, and I had the pleasure of surprising Dr. Ashish with our hot picks for tattoos! I hear he enjoyed them! YES! It felt like the procedure took forever, well I'm sure to Ryan felt that way at least since she had to go through the poking and questions of where do you feel it now? "In my throat" oh thats not where I want it and on and on, but she loves it because Dr Ashish is so precise and it makes her feel very connected to her own body and that its not just in her head! Its beautiful to hear that from her, she has become so in tune to her body and its only going to get better! I think it is important for all of us to learn to listen to our bodies and become more attentive. And for Ryan the best thing after a procedure is ICE CREAM!!! She did so great and was so hyper afterwards, I guess thats what laying still two bricks high will do to ya, and it was Erin's last night we (Michael, Shennae, Ry, Sarah, Erin, and I) all went out to dinner and to a club called Bar Code in Priya Complex in Vasant Vihar. We rocked out and took over the karaoke lady's job... I think she hated us...we were quite a riot! Every move you make, Every breathe you take, I'll be watching you MICHAEL!

I know this will not be the last time ya'll see me in Delhi! But I will miss everyone at the hospital! They truly have made this experience so wonderful for all involved!! I love them! I know I'll be back...

I mean, this face is too irresistible!

Mehandi, Wild, and Beautiful Peacocks

2008-08-11T09:31:00.000-07:00

In the past few days I have been to a bakery called "Angels in my kitchen" eating decadent chocolate cakes, weaving in and out of crowds at a Lajpat Nagar market where men were barking offers left and right, then going across town to attend church where the sisters (nurses from the hospital) were singing at the service, Kuki Worship Services, a Northern Indian dialect...it was a great service even though we didn't understand the message, the sisters' voices were beautiful! Then we raced to Priya market by Sarah's house and had a fancy and very spicy Punjabi dinner. Ryan and I walked around the market after dinner to walk off our 10lbs of naan; only to discover a young boy selling his beautiful drawings for...120 rupees, well we always pack our leftovers for hopes to feed someone...we later saw him sharing the meal with another boy, melts my heart! Lets see...running through deer park, I saw tons of bambis, what in the heck are spotted deer doing in delhi! The park was gorgeous, part jungle, part grassy knolls with a fort at the top of the hill, a fairly big lake only to discover a crumbling brick mosque on the outskirts with peacocks frolicking around. It was very calming and peaceful, but hot as hell! Ryan's calipers were adjusted this weekend and today was the first day to try them out, I am amazed how much better she maneuvers her legs! I found my Indian dad! We all have Indian dads here, they look/act or we just want them to be our dads. I have found mine, not that my dad is at ALL replaceable, but our yoga instructor, Ruwat, reminds me of my dad in many ways, his calming voice, ability to push my limits, strict, yet has a very big smile that feels like a gift. Having henna done in our room by teenage boys, who by the way were amazing at it! My henna hands are very beautiful, according to Chinar the darker the henna the deeper the love is of you and your significant other! Lucky you my henna is very very dark!

As Erin's time here is coming to an end what better thing to do, but shop some more right! Dili Haat was a great market I love talking to the shop keepers who travel from all parts of India to come to this market for 2 weeks before they head to their next market or home, people here are so interesting and very talented I made lots of friends with the Sahibs (brothers). At the end of the night, we came across a lovely family who's son maybe 5 years old was the most adorable little lover ever! His dad wanted to adopt all of us into his family and we exchanged phone numbers...I hope we are getting together soon! This is what I have been up to in a nutshell! Ryan has a procedure tomorrow, so we will be at the other hospital all day, but should be back to update our blogs tomorrow night!

The art of being yourself at your best is the art of unfolding your personality into the person you want to be. . . . Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others.

All eyes on you!

2008-08-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

Imagine your life under a microscope, every move you make, every move you are suppose to make, and even how you are suppose to think is being examined by all eyes. Thats a lot of pressure, if you ask me, and I would have exploded by now. Not Ryan, with the positive reinforcement and encouragement from Dr. Shroff, Dr. Ashish, Dr. Vandana, and her friends I think she is doing really amazing! Even if she may hate all of us at one point during this journey. I would hate me too, cheering with every step, movement, and stretch...

This is Lodhi gardens, it is one of the most beautiful parks I have ever been to! I wish I lived in Delhi so that I could run, walk payshia, stroll, sit and just be. Maybe one day I will move here after my studies...be ready for me Vandana (Ryan's Physiotherapist), our friend! We always joke, how if Vandana sees us at a mall she would hide and run away from us! I don't blame her though! We are a troublesome bunch! To be continued...

All things pass...patience achieves everything!

2008-08-05T10:05:00.000-07:00

The smell of formaldehyde overwhelms me as I walk into the Gautum Nagar hospital as I see a Chemist (Pharmacy) and a Casualty room (exam room) to the right and to the left staring at me square in the face is a metal gate, oh its an elevator...wow that's the elevator! They take us up two floors in a very narrow but deep elevator. We walk out to a very small nurse's desk and we are directed to our room. Similar to a dorm room I suppose with a very small window that has AC unit coming out of it, so really no window with pretty purple curtains. And a bathroom, that Ryan squeezes through, but cannot shut the door. I can't help but to think I have gone back in time when they used square needles and didn't know what gloves were and used bosoms to keep blood warm. It made me miss home, well the other hospital where our room is more cozy and comfortable with pictures of familiar faces and letters from wonderful people all along the walls. I already miss Green Park and its only been a few minutes. Funny how you can get attached so quickly to things!

Ryan gets prepped for her procedure looking very cute in her forest green gown and guess who waltzes in wearing the same get up...MICHAEL! YEAH we are right across from each other! But no time for visiting, Michael is swept away from us by cutey Dr. Opi. Michael is getting the longest 3 day procedure, while Ryan is welcoming her lumbar puncture with a tattooed back and a big smile! Nothing breaks this girl! Dr. Ashish loved his surprise and thinks its "fantastic" as he snaps photos of it in the Operating Theater!

The procedure takes no more than 45 mins when Ryan returns, she is carefully placed in her bed and the ward boys hurry back with 4 bricks, 2 for each bed post, she is inverted 2 bricks high and she is ordered not to move her head at all for 6 hours. The stem cells were injected directly into her cerebral spinal fluid, which is suppose to cause excruciating headaches and intolerable nausea. Very few, maybe one in 5000 patients who receive this procedure have no adverse reactions, so with that said we were expecting Ryan to for once need us! But as the clock ticked and the saline dripped she had no reaction. The only reaction she had was pee pee pee. Now she is not allowed to get out of bed, lift her head, and for that matter move...Sarah, lucky girl who has no interest in nursing had the pleasure of helping Ryan for the first few rounds, while I was out with Erin getting dinner and walking in dark alleys, regretting the fact that I let Erin convince me to walk at night time to the hospital. When the girls retired to their humble abodes Ryan and I, well really I started dancing and singing; we were harmonizing! Then I was giving a light physio session wanting to stimulate the stem cells to her legs and toes and keeping her peeless! We all know that babies love when they're sung to! Phew, lights out at midnight...lights back on at 2, 3, whatever time it was, her 5th and final saline bottle was over with. But oh no here comes the headache, just a little one, but if we convert that to our pain threshold, I'm sure her 4/10 is a 8/10.

Maybe someone can answer my question, as a nursing student, I have primed lots of saline bags, but here they use plastic bottles, and after they prime it and have it all hooked up to the patient they stick a needle in the top of the bottle...I'm guessing to help with the drip and so the bottle doesn't collapse inward when the bottle is coming to the end. I think I just answered my own question! Since I work in a hospital back home a lot of things here are done slightly different. For example how they separate trash...just one of a few things that I found were interesting!

Dr. Ashish was so ecstatic how well Ryan was doing after the procedure that he wants to do another one very soon!!
So we might be heading back to the other hospital sometime this week! FANTASTIC!!!

I don't know if you know this, but I am going to tell you a secret. Ryan as much as she would like to blend in, is not like us, she is a creature of her own. Maybe a mystical creature, maybe part lioness, whatever it maybe it is wonderful: a super human!

Yet, she too will step in shit...and boy she did a great job; thank goodness for twigs and wet naps!

Two steps forward, two steps back!

2008-08-03T10:17:00.000-07:00

Candle in your heart, ready to be kindled!

2008-08-02T23:01:00.000-07:00

Identity crisis, I remember going through many frustrating and fearful moments and yesterday Emily, Sarah's sister, called having a hard time accepting not competing in gymnastics anymore. Being a gymnast it brought me back to my sadness when I had to leave the gym once and for all. Gymnastics encompassed my life and was my identity, I was a gymnast. Which brings me to my thoughts on Ryan, she has been in a chair for almost 12 years and she has worked so hard to accept that life goes on and not be defeated by it.

Which we all know through her endeavors in triathalons, marathons, and her incredible stamina in the pool. I can only speculate that this experience for Ryan is scary, frustrating, and just plain hard. But its not so much as an identity crisis for her because nothing is ever a crisis for Ryan and her identity is not for what she sits in, but how she leads her life!As a model....a role model that is!

Anyway, Ryan has been making a lot of improvements in her walking with her calipers! She is getting more flexible in her hips, its so great to watch her swim, her butterfly is amazing! When I watch her from the front, it looks as if someone who can thrust their body with their legs is coming at me, it is so strong. My dad would be proud of her butterfly!!

We have stayed up too late too many nights talking, playing games, watching movies, stretching and of course Ryan gets my massages! I have never lived with Ryan in college, so we are making up for lost time!

Yesterday we went to Qutb Minar, which is a very tall Ismlamic Minaret (tower) with beautiful Arabic inscriptions, its the tallest in the world. It is the most accessible tourist site we have been to! It was very beautiful and I sort of wish I lived in the 12th century! And for the first time in India we were "tuk" by the tuk tuk driver, who was suppose to wait for us and take us back to the hospital, but he took off with our 40 rupees. Which is less than a dollar...so its no big deal, but we are so naive!

Some of the patients at the hospital organized a social gathering, which was so nice to meet everyone in normal clothes and when they are not doing physio or getting an injection! Bree's mom had bought ping pong set, so we converted our dinner table to a ping pong table! YEA! Since I'm Asian, its in my genes to be good at ping pong, naturally! Yes, it was another late night!

Ryan has a procedure tomorrow at the other hospital, its going to be a long day for her, so we are going to take it easy today! We need to give lots of Tender Loving Care, for her embryos need it they are our fragile little babies!

"There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled. You feel it, don't you?- Rumi

Epiphany at dawn!!

2008-07-30T16:23:00.000-07:00

Its five in the morning, my mind is going a million miles a minute and won't let me sleep till I write these thoughts down! I woke up in a panic with the answer to why I do not like blogs. Yes, very important thing! It all stems from how I was raised, being from a Japanese but not Japanese family meaning our core beliefs are definitely Buddhist yet my parents have modified and adapted to American ways. My father, who I admire and idolize, is a man of few words, he is more of an observer. Which is how I am too, but it makes me one heck of a bad emotional communicator, I often internalize my feelings (unhealthy, I know) and I also don't say what I want to say when I want to say it, which sucks! So, this is my "aaaaaaaahhhhhhh" light tunnel moment.

Another thing I lay here thinking about is how I am trying to feel really connected to my body, trying to visualize nerve impulses firing to my fingertips as I type this message. I want everyone to try it because we take little things for granted, like wiggling our toes! I imagine Ryan's lower body being like a rusty choo choo train, that needs to just get moving and once it starts moving, everything else will smooth out, however fast it doesn't matter it is moving!

One more thing, I "chatted" with my best friend Jenson today for maybe 2 minutes on Facebook, and it made me extremely happy on the inside, I was smiling at dinner and chuckled out loud, but it was just something silly we had done together...we will never lose that connection, however far apart we are, and knowing that, made me happiest the mostest!

Take a deep breathe....hold....hold...wait for it.....relaaaaaaaaaaaax!

The Sisterhood of the Ya Ya Sassy Pants!!!

2008-07-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

Ryan's mom Skyped us this morning calling us the "The Sisterhood of the Ya Ya Traveling Pants", but I think Sassy pants is more fitting! We have Sassafras, McSass, PrinSass, and Sass. I will let you be the judge of which one I am!

Delhi at 630 in the morning is quite peaceful, no honking in the roads, no wild drivers, just you and the road...ooooooommmmm! Ryan, Erin, Michael, and I try to swim as much as we can and 7am fits best with Ryan and Michael's Physio time and our yoga time and my running time....we are busy!!! A Frenchi at the pool said that he can tell I am a good swimmer by looking at my shoulders, thanks dad for these wonderful shoulders! I guess it was a compliment?

We even got to venture out today and go to India gate, which is the equivalent of L'Arc de Triumph in Paris, it was very beautiful! We then preceded to walk to the Parliament and on the way was a really nice park, which is very refreshing to see that people in India can slow down for a few minutes and look up at the magnificent clouds! At the park there were some boys playing cricket, the NFL of India. Michael being sort of a fanatic for sports was drawn to them like a magnet, i think the locals love it when foreigners make fools of themselves! Well, Michael did a nice pitching job and guess who was up to bat.....Ryan! It was fantastic!

The not so fantastic part was our ride to dinner, we hopped in to a meter rickshaw (usually we negotiate prices before) and the driver kept going around and around and east and west and stopping a gazillion times asking for directions that he doesn't know how to follow...so we decided enough was enough and paid the gentleman 10 rupees (25 cents) for wasting our time and got into another rickshaw only to get ripped off yet again, but its the name of the game! Plus whats a dollar right!?!

Ryan has a procedure tomorrow, its an injection in her spinal muscles! Hope the tiny little healers travel to areas that need the most love! We love little healing people!

Speaking of healing, indulging in ice cream has never felt so good! I feel as though my night is not complete without a scoop of ice cream!!! mmmmmmm

Apples to Apples, Knock Rummy, Spork...Dorm life again!

2008-07-29T06:22:00.000-07:00

Being out of dorm life for 10 years now, I have forgotten how much fun it is! I know its a hospital, but aside from all the needles jabbing, toe flickering, and robot legs, we make the most of life!!! Game time is always my favorite, although most who have played any game with me know that it can be also the end of our relationship, for a minute! I can be very competitive...I am very competitive! After hours of knock rummy, which I will teach you when I get home, I wanted to show Ryan and Michael what fun things my computer can do....which is brilliant! Just brilliant! Till the wee hours of the night we had a great laugh!

Todays physio Ryan ambulated 15 meters, which is weird since I have never known the walking Ryan! Its kinda strange to see it, strange in a good way! Dr Shroff was at physio today as well and when she walks in the room its as if the world stops spinning for a split second...her presence is quite powerful! She is the most optimistic, positive, and down right amazing woman I've ever met! As Ryan says she can sell poop to her!

We went swimming this afternoon, Ryan and Michael had a race...I won't disclose who won for the protection of their pride. Erin and I also raced and she beat me by a fingernail...I demand a rematch!

All I can say is 4 people, two wheelchairs, one rickshaw....priceless!

Monument of love and Heeps of Punjabi Rap!

2008-07-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

Breaking news...we made it to the Taj and back in one piece, and we are no where near the bombings, thank Buddha! So how was it? I've been on many road trips in South East Asia and I've been on the worst roads in my eyes, so with that said, Delhi to Agra was paradise. Paradise meaning the roads were paved and few potholes to speak of. My view of paradise from the window of our small small car is that you drive past camels and elephants pulling huge stacks of what have yous, or cows laying in the middle of the road, which should have caused many accidents but we somehow glided through many close ones like Neo in the Matrix....very out of this world experience to see your life flash before your eyes...there were parades of men and some women wearing bright orange, carrying a metallic half circle with ornaments hanging from it, and they are walking from all parts of India to the Holy Ganges River. I think everyone needs that kind of faith. Paradise because it could be worse!

The Taj was majestic and in some ways poetic, I can see why it is called the monument of love! Will I ever be loved like she? Hopefully not, since she had 14 children! In presence of such beauty I did some yoga poses, slip and slide time on marble, and licked the Taj. Only Kanako would do such things.

India is becoming more of a spiritual journey for me, I am realizing what things I have to work on....isn't that just so exciting! I will let you know if I've reached my goal at some point in my long journey!

Going to Agra was a must but I don't know if repeat visits are necessary at this point. BUT if it weren't for this trip I would have never known that I like Punjabi rap music!

"Oh My GOD!" says the little indian boy!

Mistas, Sistas, Kurtas...Oh MY!

2008-07-25T23:38:00.000-07:00

This blog thing is new to me and I truly hate having to do this, but this is Ryan's wish, therefore, it will be done! Ryan and I have this great relationship where we push each other to do things we hate to do and that is why we work! Anyway, after 2 days of travel and a little pit stop in Munich, I have finally arrived in Delhi to join the Charlie's Angels well in this case it is the Ryan's Angels. We kicked off the day with Physio, Ryan showed me all her new tricks, which to my surprise is beyond my expectations. Not that I did not believe Ryan could move her legs or hold the cat and cow pose, but I just did not expect it to happen so quickly! In my humble opinion, this is already a huge success. What helps Ryan more than anything in the world, which no stem cell can grow, is her strength in her mind. She really has such an amazing way to look at things and is very much grounded, which will in the end supersede any physical movement! I have met really nice people here, which makes me feel like I'm in heaven...everyone here is glowing!

We have gone swimming twice and let me tell you the water tastes funny and the Hindi's swim in a very interesting way. But its a great workout, I see so much improvement in Ryan's swimming, her hips are less tight and I see her legs moving in a controlled fashion.

Yoga class is a lot harder in India, especially when the instructor doesn't know how to count or know the difference between inhale and exhale...I was doing a lot more giggling then meditating....that too I will learn to overcome!

Oh and I bought my first Kurta last night, which for those who don't know is a traditional Hindi dress. Will post pictures soon!

Off to the Taj we go!

One more thing...I've learned that anything is possible last night when we fit Ryan, Michael, and I with their chairs in a rickshaw....